Friday, February 17

Pinko Lemming: Victim of Domestic Spying

I'm leaving this awful, imperial empire. Packing my bags right now --going to escape to Canada like so many brave Americans before me. But I cannot go before telling my story to the American people. I was a victim this time, but it could happen to anyone if we don't impeach the Usurper in the White House!

After escaping from The Sage's SUV, I made it to California and met up with some old friends I used to tour with. (we followed the Dead until Jerry died, then got really into Phish and Widespread Panic. This was during the period I was collecting welfare.) Anyway, so I was all happy chillin with Moonbeam, Sunshine, Clover and Phineas, among others, in their commune.

Somehow, the White House found out about my petition to impeach Bush. (My guess is that my stupid capitalist twin, The Sage, alerted them to it after I borrowed her credit card) Shortly after my arrival in California, I noticed some odd occurances with my cell phone. A certain beep when I would be talking to a friend... a suspicious wrong number that called TWICE... interesting static patterns... I was immediately on guard. And I can prove that George Bush was wiretapping my phone.

You see, after two weeks of this, our communal living house burned to the ground! Do you honestly think it was a coincidence that Karl Rove was spotted at JFK airport THE DAY BEFORE??? Clearly, the government was tapping my phone, heard about my petition to impeach this illigetimate president, heard me talking about his evil doings to my friends, and deciding to conveniently rid themselves of their little problem.

They are clearly modeling this domestic spying off of Hitler's pre-WWII Gestapo policy. When will the rest of America and the right-wing press wake up and realize that Bush IS Hitler reincarnated???

Well, unfortunately for Bush, I managed to escape the flames of his wrath. I convinced The Sage, my evil Republican twin, to buy me a plane ticket back to Michigan. (After all, if that capitalist pig were paying her fair share in taxes, she wouldn't have the extra money for extravagences like plane tickets. It's only fair that she share her money with me, since I don't have a job)

In the airport, both LAX and Detroit Metro, I was still experiencing that strange static on my cell phone. When, on the way back from Metro, I had ANOTHER call from that SAME wrong number, I began to worry. But, stupid me, I let the ignorant Sage convince me it was nothing. Later that night, when I was down at my friend's off 8 Mile picking up a bag, there was a drive by shooting! Bullets actually shattered the windows of the very house I was in!!! Luckily, no one was hit. But the shock of it all! I was terrified!

So remember, when you think that Bush is only talking about tapping the phones of people having overseas conversations with suspected al qaeda members --remember what happened to Pinko. For merely exercising my rights of free speech and starting a grass roots Impeach-the-Usurper movement, Bush sent Karl Rove out to Cali to burn the house down where I was staying, then sent Dick Cheney on that drive by for a second crack at me.

Oh, no! I hear my phone ringing! I'm not safe here!!! Oh, Canada, here I come!!!!!

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